Fifty Shades of Undisclosed Desires
by Jules Holloway
Summary: Ana Steele is a senior at WSU. Suddenly, things are not going the way they were. She has sudden undisclosed desires which are coming to surface in the form of sexual fantasies. Her body has sexually awakened and is overwhelming her thoughts. What will she do? Will she submit to anyone or hold out for love and experiment with her new urges.
1. Chapter 1: Unsolicited Dreams

**A/N: **This is my first attempt at writing anything. Please be gentle. Thanks to my buddy Kayla for all her help. I love **FSOG** and my goal is to keep you satisfied and your panties wet! Reviews are appreciated.

**~xoxo Jules~**

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Chapter 1: Unsolicited dreams

_Fuck. Fuck me._ I roll over and push the button on the alarm clock. I do not want to get out of bed this morning. I just hate early mornings. 1...2...3...I push myself out of bed and stretch. I would stretch a mile if I didn't have to walk back.

After a soothing warm shower I am feeling like me finally. I throw on some jeans and my favorite blue sweater. I go to the kitchen and drop a couple of pieces of bread into the toaster. I pour myself some juice and turn to take the toast to the breakfast bar. I turn my head when I hear footsteps coming down the hallway.

"Kate, would you like some toast this morning?"

A deep voice says, "How about some bacon and eggs darling?"

Standing in the kitchen in front of me has to be a male model of some sort. My mouth drops open and I gasp. Holy hell. He is completely naked except for his boxer briefs which leave absolutely nothing to the imagination. I flush scarlet and quickly turn around.

"Ummm, excuse me, I am sorry but we haven't met," I stutter. I hear a chuckle and the refrigerator door opening.

"Kate and I came in very late last night. You were already in your room. I am Henry Castell. Pleased to meet you Ana. Kate told me all about you." I walk to the other side of the breakfast bar and try to keep my eyes on Henry's face.

"Pleased to meet you Henry," shaking his hand across the breakfast bar. Henry gives me that perfect smile and I feel the heat in my face. I drop his hand and start spreading grape jelly on my toast. Damn that Kate Kavanagh and her ability to seduce the sexiest men in Portland. I give up. I am going to die a virgin.

Speaking of the nut buster, Kate comes around the corner and grabs Henry's ass and gives it a big squeeze. He looks down at her and pulls her to his chest. He grins and leans down and kisses her. Oh, to be Kate Kavanagh for twenty-four hours.

Kate has been my best friend since our freshman year at Washington State University. She is vivacious, persistent and very beautiful with strawberry blond hair. The men love her and there is a never ending parade of men going in and out of our apartment.

I wouldn't call her a slut because she is true to the men she dates. The problem is she sticks with one man until she grows bored with him. Then there is the nasty break-up and the all night cry fests with me comforting her as she sits in her bunny pajamas drinking red wine.

To be Kate for a day would be incredible. I would take Henry by the hand and lead him back to the bedroom. I would make him lay in bed and I would take my scarf and tie his hands together. I would loop the scarf through the iron bed spoke and tie it so Henry can't move.

Henry is just beautiful and I crawl over to him and pull down his boxers. He springs free. What a beautiful site to behold. This large erection is because of me. I crawl over him and sit on his chest. I open up my robe and Henry smiles as he looks at my breasts. I throw the robe to the floor.

"Do you see anything that you like Mr. Castell?" I said biting my lower lip. I lean over and let my right nipple graze his lips. He sticks his tongue out and licks the end of my nipple. Ummmm, I groan and pull back. "Henry, are you hungry?" I lean down and whisper in his ear.

He moans and looks up at me. I crawl up toward the iron railing on the headboard and lower my hoo-ha on his face. I grip the headboard and start slowly moving my hips while he plunges his tongue in me. He flicks his tongue on my clit. I rub the tip of my clit against his chin hair and begin a relentless rhythm. Henry's chin on my clit, his tongue flicking my clit and then his tongue plunging into me.

I grab my left breast and squeeze my nipple between my fingers. I lean down and lick the end of my nipple with my tongue. I pull harder as my nipple elongates. I continue the vaginal assault on Henry's tongue.

"Oh, Henry," I cry as I feel my stomach tighten. I let my nipple go and grab the headboard and my orgasm fills me. Henry is licking me up like a man who has been denied food for a year. I ease off Henry's face and I start licking my juices off his face. There is nothing better tasting than my cum on a man's face. I finish the clean up and give him kiss on his full lips. Is this complete bliss?

I jump as Kate is snapping her fingers in front of my face as I sit staring at Henry. Oh no, the end of my erotic daydream. I feel the heat rising in my face and I quickly look down embarassed to be busted with illicit thoughts roaming my mind of Kate's boyfriend. I have to make my escape.

"I am um-going to be late to class. I'll see you all later." And with that I grab my keys and practically run out the door to my trusty old beetle Wanda. I take a deep steadying breath and grab the steering wheel.

_Oh, to be Kate Kavanagh for twenty-four hours!_


	2. Chapter 2: Losing Balance

Chapter 2: Losing Balance

My classes are mentally exhausting. I don't recall having any trouble focusing on any of my classes before. I think just the dreary January days are bringing me down. It is a proven fact that people who spend their days inside without some exposure to the sun seem to go through a form of depression.

I do spend a lot of time alone. I love my roommate Kate dearly but whatever free time she has anymore is spent with her flavor of the month. Between all my classes and labs and my part-time job at Clayton's Hardware I am exhausted. Kate is partying at least three nights a week. I just don't have the energy or the money to spend on partying that much.

Classes are finally over and I cross my fingers as I start Wanda. I love my old car but I never know if I am going to get from point A to point B. Monday's at Clayton's are kind of slow so I plan on working on an outline of my next paper. I love reading and discussing my favorite authors. Only four more months of this and I can graduate and hopefully start working in a publishing house in Seattle.

Mrs. Clayton has me going through the special orders when I feel eyes on me. I look up and this tall gorgeous man with sun kissed curly hair is smiling at me. I bite my lip. "Can I help you sir?"

"Hello, I am Elliott Grey. I am here to pick up a special order lighting fixture and some special order . Clayton assured me that it would be in today. I am on a timeline and the building inspector is due tomorrow. And I be dammed if I am going to pay out of my pocket if this project gets extended!"

I take a deep breath. One thing I have learned over the years at Clayton's is how to keep these contractors happy. They are really our bread and butter. "Mr. Grey, if you give me a moment I will check the status of your order. Normally our special order lighting fixtures don't arrive until three pm via ground shipping and molding is shipped here via whatever carrier the vendor sends it on. I don't see that it has arrived yet. All trucks and delivers should be done by five if you want to check back in a few hours."

"Who the fuck do you think you are dealing with?" he screamed at me catching me off guard making me jump back, and by doing so I stepped back on some special order catalogs making me fall backwards. I try to catch myself with my right hand but it twists and I end up still falling on my ass.

Fuck. Fuck Me. I think I sprained my hand. Ok, Ana Steele. Be cool. Do. Not. Cry. Mr. Obnoxious rushes over to help me up. "Don't touch me!" I bark at him between my clinched teeth. I swear I am so fucking clumsy and I am so embarrassed.

"Let me take a look at your hand," he says in a concerned tone. I bring my hand closer to me and I use my good hand to push myself up. I can feel my face on fire. I am just so embarrassed. I look down at my hands, twisting my fingers around.

"It will be ok. It's just a little sore. It will be fine. Now, Mr. Grey, I know you are a busy man so here is what I am going to do for you. I will personally bring your special orders to your job site so you won't miss any more work. Will that be acceptable Mr. Grey?"

He gives me a sweet smile and nods his head. He pulls out his wallet and reaches in and hands me a Grey Construction business card. "Please call me if the special orders don't arrive," and he quickly looks at my name tag, "Ana."

I am still holding my busted wrist and I give him a smile, a nod of my head and I just sit back on my stool and turn to the computer screen. He understands my dismissal and he saunters out the front door. My wrist is throbbing but I don't tell Mr. Clayton because I just can't miss any work. I need Kate here now.

The afternoon is dragging by. I sent Kate a text an hour ago but still no response. I can't feel my right hand. It is slowly turning purple. I put my jacket on and slide my right hand into the pocket. Fuck. I look up and see Mrs. Green and her daughter heading to the counter. "Ana, I have great news for you. Remember that ticket you purchased last week for the PTA? You won one of the door prizes!"

Oh, joy. I really don't care at the moment. "Thank you Mrs. Green. I was happy to help you with the fundraiser." I took the envelope graciously and stuck it into my back pocket. I smiled as they continued down the arts and crafts aisle. Ben from receiving pulls me from my thoughts of hospitals, shots and wrist bindings. "Those special orders you typed in 'see Ana asap' on the special order screen are here. Where do you want the boxes?"

"Just bring them up here and I am going to deliver them to Mr. Grey personally. Thanks Ben. You are a life saver." I start cleaning up the desk area and inform Mr. Clayton that I need to deliver some special orders to a job site. He has no problem with that since Mr. Grey is a big customer. If Kate would hurry up I could get the heck out of dodge. I have to go to the hospital as soon as I drop off these packages. Ana Steele does not do pain well.

Speak of the devil and she walks straight to me. "Steele, this better be good. I was going to meet Henry at Starbucks." She gives me the 'you are fucking up my day' look. "I hurt my wrist today and I can't drive Wanda to deliver these boxes to a job site for a big contractor. I need your help. I can't tell Mr. Clayton. You know he won't let anybody work for him that is hurt. He says it is a liability issue."

"Let me see your hand Ana." I flinch. "Not now. Just help me deliver this stuff so I can get it looked at later." I grab my purse from under the counter and hand Kate the keys. She laughs. "I am not driving your car. We will take mine." I point to the three boxes on the counter. She grabs two of them and I grab the one box balancing it on my left hip with my arm across the top. Kate loads the boxes into her trunk and I pull out my cellphone. I get the business card out of my pocket and call the number on the bottom. I put my seat belt on and I get an answer. "Grey." "Mr. Grey this is Ana Steele. Your special orders have arrived and I need the address to deliver them." I am out of breath. My wrist is throbbing and I don't want to get yelled at again. "Miss Steele, I appreciate this. I am doing a walk through with the owner at the moment but if you will please go to 4603 West Broadway. Just go straight in and the receptionist will direct you from there." "Ok, no problem Mr. Grey. We will be there shortly." Whew, he makes me nervous.

Kate drives like a bat out of hell, hoping to get the task done so she can salvage a little of her day away from Henry. Finally, we arrive. It's a homeless shelter. How can I feel pissed off about anyone who is building a homeless shelter? I feel about two feet tall. He wants to get people off the street and he needs to get it completed in order to do so. I choke on humble pie.

Kate pulls up front behind a very expensive sports car. My how the rich live my subconscious smirks. How approptiate, flaunting wealth in front of a homeless shelter. I wonder who the arrogant prick is? We get out and Kate takes the two boxes stacked on top of each other into the building. I take the last box and carry it like a serving tray, balancing it precariously with my left hand.

"Welcome to Grace's Haven, how can I help you ladies?" "We have some special orders for Mr. Grey. Where would you like these?" I asked. "Take the molding to the fourth floor and the light fixture to the sixth floor. One of the workers will take them from you on each floor. Thanks so much." Kate and I head up in the elevator and she gets out on the fourth floor.

"We will meet downstairs in fifteen," she yells out before the door closes. I get out on the sixth floor. This is obviously the office floor. I walk around and see workers painting walls. I see several people working, a mixture of men and women. They must be the residents working to complete their new home. A man wearing a Grey Construction shirt walks over to me and directs me to the back office with my box.

I stop by the door. Possibly the most beautiful man that I have ever seen is talking on his cell phone. His hair is dark with the tips copper colored. It has a just fucked look to it. He is beautiful and my breath hitches. I walk in and sit the box down. I shut the door behind me and lock it. There will be no interruptions this afternoon. He looks up at me and smiles. I walk over to the window and take the phone out of his hand and close it. I drop it to the floor.

I reach up and put my hands around his neck and pull his face to mine. His lips are the most beautiful shape. He has a little stubble on his chin. I kiss him. His lips part and a moan emits from his mouth. I push my tongue in his mouth and our tongues dance the dance of the needy. I am very needy. I have been kissed very few times and never did it taste this delicious. His lips are soft and his breath is divine. I move my lips more forcefully against his and I feel his bulging erection against my stomach. He slides his hand down into the front of my pants and finds my sex. I moan into his mouth as his fingers push past my wet folds and he pushes them into me. I moan again and he pulls his fingers out and thrusts his fingers back inside of me rubbing my clit with his thumb. I push him against the window and I raise my leg on the windowsill so he can gain a deeper entrance into my throbbing wetness. I bite his bottom lip and I put my hand over his inside of my pants and I use his fingers to stoke myself. His tongue is swirling in my mouth and I am moving my hips, thrusting on his delightfully long and skillful fingers. I feel it. I feel my orgasm and the clinching of my vaginal walls against his fingers.

He pulls his fingers out of me and traces my lips with my juices before putting his fingers into his mouth licking them clean. He smiles down at me and takes his tongue and licks the wetness from my lips. He moans and gives me a panty busting smile. I am mesmorized by his beautiful gray eyes. He smiles and says, "can I help you?" I just stare at him. "Can I help you?" he repeats. I take a breath and enter my body again from the heavenly abyss I was temporarily visiting. I smile and take a breath. "I, um have a special order lighting fixture for Mr. Grey." His eyebrows raise and he holds up a finger to silence me. He talks into his phone that is in his hand. "Mom, good news...the lighting is here so you can stop worrying yourself to death. It will be installed today and we can do a final walk through in the morning. The building inspector will be here at nine in the morning and afterwards the movers can begin delivering the furniture and the residents can move in right after that. The residents will have a home to call their own tomorrow night. Ok mom. Talk to you in a few."

I smile as he hangs up. He just looks me directly in the eyes...grey to blue. My breath hitches again. He clears his throat and says, "you can just put that box on the table. I'll let the electrician know it's here." I take my damaged hand out of my pocket and take hold of the edge of the box to steady it. I walk into the room and my boot gets caught on the edge of some frayed carpet on the entrance threshold. I feel myself falling. Oh, no. I can't let this fixture get broken. People are depending on this. This project can't get held up because of me. I put my right hand under the box and I fall face first onto the floor with my right hand being the cushion for the lighting fixture. All I feel is pain in my face and I hear a pop coming from my wrist. My breath is knocked out of me. I can't breath nor can I move. My head is throbbing and I feel sleepy. Suddenly, the pain disappears along with all my senses. Darkness.


	3. Chapter 3: My Own Worst Enemy

A/N: I just wanted to say thanks for your patience. My life is a hard one but hopefully this new computer that I have saved for will make writing easier. I just hope to understand Windows 8 in the next century. The bully is based on a real life bully that I endured. I hope you all enjoy and please review and share this story if you like it. Please remember, I don't own anything. E L James owns the characters but I own this story. Happy reading.

~Jules~

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Chapter 3: My Own Worst Enemy

Nora Johnson. Why I think of her I have no clue. She made my freshman year at high school a miserable time for me. I was very shy. I really kept to myself. We had picked sides for the volleyball game in P.E. class. Nora chose all the athletic girls. I, of course, was on the opposing team. The rules were simple. I just tried to let the go-getters take charge of the game.

My time to serve and I actually did a really good job surprising even my teammates. I was finally feeling like I was a part of something. Nora looked at me from the other side of the net and gave me a very wicked grin. She doesn't like me. I have seen her stare at me in the hallways and it was always very disturbing. Shaking off those thoughts I returned to the game. Nicole served the ball and it flew gracefully across the net. I watch as Tiffany uses both hands and knocks the ball into the air toward me. It is directly over the net and it's a now or never move. I jump up with all the strength I can muster and I spike the ball downward with everything I have.

Unfortunately, that rush of adrenaline did not prepare me for who was on the receiving end of that ball. Nora Johnson. Nora was very athletic but evidently not very quick at dodging a volleyball that was heading directly at her. The pop of the ball smacking against her face suddenlly quieted both teams. A hush. Nora was sitting back on her butt holding her hand to her bloodied nose. If looks cold kill I would be dead.

"**_OH NO_**, I am so very sorry Nora," I said almost tearing up. Nora stands up holding her face and looks me dead in the eye, "_**You're dead bitch**_!" I step back as the P.E. teacher comes over to check on Nora. Evidently Nora is going to live. It's almost the end of class so she sends all of us to the showers. I am suddenly like a plague. Nobody wants to be near me. I walk to the locker room alone. I wasn't trying to hurt anyone intentionally. Everyone showers and I am one of the last in. I quickly close the curtain and change out of my shirt and shorts. I lean over into the shower and turn on the water so it can start warming up. I hate cold showers.

I hear the curtain behind me being pulled open and I turn around as Nora jumps toward me and clamps her hand over my mouth. The force pushes me back into the shower. She is in her clothes getting drenched. She has a rabid look in her eyes. Her right hand is covering my mouth to muffle my cries. She takes her left hand and grabs a fistful of my hair and jerks it violently forward then slams it against the shower wall...again and again and again. I see the blood splatters on her shirt. My blood. She pulls her fist back and punches me in the face then lets me go and I slide down the wall. Nora gives me a smirk and a quick kick to the ribs. She pulls the shower curtain closed and I hear the adjoining changing area curtain close. All is quiet.

I lay in the shower in a daze. Everything is blurry. I can't move. I can't talk. The water is pelting me. It has turned cold again I close my eyes hoping the pain just leaves. It feels like I am in a dream. I am floating in a semi-unconscious state. The next period is quiet. This is the P.E. teacher's planning period. No hope of being found. I can't move. I am so tired. I will just rest my eyes for a few minutes.

Screaming. I hear muffled screaming and the squawking of a radio. I hear a man's voice telling me that it's going to be fine. I try to open my eyes but I can't see anything. It is all blurry. I feel something going around my neck and the next thing I know I am on a stretcher covered by a blanket. I feel nauseous from the motion. I close my eyes.

I wake up in a room. My mom Carla is sitting on a chair beside my bed. My step-dad Ray is on the other side. They explain to me what happened. Someone snitched on Nora and she was arrested by the police. She is being sent to a juvenile facility until the authorities decide her fate. I will never have to deal with her again. I have a concussion along with five stitches in the back of my head and one very sore black eye.

That is the day my life changed. I did not want to go back to school so I moved to Montesano to live with my dad. My mom's newest husband Stephen was thrilled. He and I never hit it off He made me feel uncomfortable when I caught him staring at me. My self-esteem nose dived. I never did really recover mentally but physically I look normal. I sucked it up and I went to my new school. I kept to myself. I started writing in journals and my new friend became the library. I started devouring books and daydreaming about what I wanted in life. I dreamed of traveling the world and visiting the places where my favorite books were written. I also lost my appetite. I lost so much weight. I have always been an aveage size but suddenly my weight dropped. Ray made me talk to the school counselor on a weekly basis. This was completely out of his depth. I lied and I force myself to eat in front of Ray. Finally, he eased off me.

I blended in so well at my new school that unless my picture was not in the annuals you would have never know that I existed. That was exactly how I liked it. I never wanted to be on the receiving end of anyone's anger again. I can still remember that hit to my face and how sore my eye was for weeks. I won't ever let that happen again. Now, I remember why I was thinking about Nora.

I grab my face and hold it as I moan. I slowly open my eyes and notice that I am being loaded into an ambulance. "No!" I scream. I can't afford this and how did I get here? I am trying to replay what happened in my mind...delivery, boxes, Kate. "Kate!" I scream and I hear her telling someone to let her into the back of the ambulance. "Ana, oh Ana, you are going to be ok. Mr. Grey insisted you be checked out properly since you were knocked out. Just let them check you out. I will follow you to the hospital. Everything is going to be ok sweetie." I acquiesce and lay back. Kate was my best friend. She was really my only friend. I always listen to Kate.

At the hospital I discover I have yet another black eye. Two black eyes in one lifetime. Fucking amazing. My right wrist is broken. They set my wrist and put a cast on it. I am going to be stuck with this beauty for the next four to six weeks. _I fucking love my life._ I am so tired of being uncoordinated and suddenly I remember...I don't have a job anymore. Mr. Clayton won't let anyone work with an injury. I start crying and those turn into full blown sobs. What a mess. What a fucking mess. I grab my pillow and just hug it. "Miss Steele are you in pain? I can call a nurse," says the gray eyed adonis. "I am so sorry about what happened. I was just coming here to check on you. Please don't cry. What can I do to make it better?" He moves some of my stray hair behind my ear and takes his thumb and wipes away my tears. I just stare at him and I can't breathe. He leans down and whispers in my ear, "Breathe Miss Steele."

"I'm sorry," I mutter. "This hasn't been a good day. Where is my roommate Kate?" I ask him while twisting my fingers in my lap. "Kate and my brother Elliott went to get some food to bring back here for you. You need to eat so you can get better Miss Steele," he says with a small smile. "They are going to release you shortly. I am going to make sure you eat and get back to your home safely. It's the very least I can do since you tripped on some frayed carpet that should have been fixed last week. I sincerely apologize Miss Steele. We will also be taking care of your hospital bill. Elliott told me what happened at your place of work. He was out of line by yelling at you. I gave him a thorough ass chewing for that. He is reponsible for your wrist. You haven't had very good luck around Grey men today but I promise you that your luck is going to change!" He leans downs and removes my lip from my teeth where I was subconsciously biting it. That was one of the sexiest things I have ever had done to me. I just stare at him.

From deep nside of me I feel something. I feel a throbbing down there and some sort of butterflies in my stomach. My face blushes red and I look down. Oh my. I am attracted to him...a lot. I thought Henry was beautiful but he was absolutely ordinary looking compared to this Mr. Grey. I think back on all the random thoughts and dreams that I have had over the years and no man has ever looked as deliciously good as this man gazing at me this very minute. I smile. I may be in pain but I am very happy.

"What a beautiful smile you have Miss Steele, even with a black eye," he says as he lets loose one of his own panty busting smiles. About that time Kate bounds around the corner with the other Mr. Grey and he is holding a bag of food. "Steele! You scared the shit out of me. Don't ever do that again!" She pushes past the adonis standing by my bed and hugs me so tight. "You have been crying Ana. Are you ok?" Kate says as she once again give me a hug. "I am just overwhelmed Kate" I lied to her. I don't enjoy lying to Kate.

"Look Steele, I brought us Italian to eat. This is so much better than hospital food any day of the week," Kate says with a grin. I know she is trying to cheer me up but I am so nervous. I don't know if I can even eat if I wanted. I can't focus on food with the copper top Mr. Grey in this room. Elliott jumps in and says, "I am starving and I still have to finish up tonight for tomorrow's inspection on the jobsite. Let's eat and see what's good on tv. By the way Miss Steele, I am Elliott Grey and this ugly thing in my younger brother Christian. I wish we could have met under different circumstances." He holds out his hand to shake mine and Christian reminds him about my wrist. "Oh, yeah. Sorry again Miss Steele," he says. "It was an accident. I am just super clumsy and please call me Ana." I say with a slight smile.

Kate puts a small container of spaghetti on my hospital table and wheels it over to me. Elliott and Christian help themselves to food and Elliott switches on the television. It is some National Geographic special about cowboys out west living on the range with the animals they care for. They are interviewing an older man who shows him the tent that he lives in for months at a time. He talks about how goats are very gentle souls. He even has his favorite goat that will come to the tent at night and sleep with him so he won't get cold. Christian looks over at Elliott and says, "Is there anything else on television other than a story about goat fuckers?" Elliott laughs and flips the channel to HGTV where a house hunters marathon is on. "I am in hell. This is why I don't watch tv," he says while finishing up his pasta dish. His phone vibrates and he picks it up and reads the text.

"Ladies, I hate to cut our evening short but I need to leave here and take care of some urgent business. Elliott you call me as soon as you are done. I will be over at seven in the morning with mom for the final walk through." Christian turns to look at me. "Miss Steele...um...Ana, here is my card. I will have my driver Taylor take you and Miss Kavanagh home when you are released. I apologize again for everything that has happend to you today." I smile at him and with that he turns and walks out the door. Kate and Elliott walk out together and Kate comes back into the room with a huge grin on her face. She is almost giddy. "Ana, thank you so much for today. I know you are hurt but I owe you big time for forcing you to help you. I believe I have just met my future husband!" she says breathlessly. "Anytime Kate. That's what I am here for," I say sarcastically.

I close my eyes. I am so tired. I feel his fingers on my face. They trace my lips and pull my lip from my teeth again. He is close because I can feel his breath on my neck. His breath smells of herbs and pasta and red wine. I feel myself throbbing below and I move my fingers into my pants and under my panties trying to get to the spot that is yearning for attention. I hear his voice asking me to take care of the situation. I nod and begin stroking my wet folds. I am so wet and he is in my ear whispering to tell him what I feel. I feel moisture and I rub my clit since that seems to be the source of some of the throbbing sensation. I lower my middle finger into my vagina and rub the wetness over my folds and into my pubic hair and back again. He breathing is heavier and he whispers for me to be more forceful with myself. I insert two fingers into myself this time and I rub my clit with my thumb. That feels so good. His breathing in my ear is so heavy and it makes me stroke myself faster and faster. I feel a pulling and I take my middle and forefinger and quickly rub my clit with as much friction as I can. I can feel my orgasm and his breathing in my ear stops. "Oh, Ana, you really know how to turn me on baby. Now, lick your fingers clean like a good girl." I put my fingers in my mouth and suck on them. "How do you taste Miss Steele?" I surprisingly like the wetness of my orgasm on my lips. I taste good. Does that make me a lesbian? I shake my head and laugh.

"What are you laughing at Steele? Are those pain meds that they gave you kicking in. I just walked downstairs and Mr. Grey's driver is waiting on us. The nurse is bringing the discharge papers for you to sign then we will blow this popsicle stand. Here, Ana, take this napkin and wipe your mouth. You have some slobber from where you were sleeping. I have never seen you drool in your sleep before. It must be the meds." I take the napkin and wipe my lips and sniff my fingers. Ummmm...I do smell good which means that wetness I feel between my legs is actually for real. My face burns red. She could have walked in on me and my inner deviant doing bad things in a hospital bed. I am feeling way too good. I sign the release papers and Kate escorts me to the waiting SUV and the driver named Taylor jumps out and opens the back door for us. Taylor sits in the front seat and ask us our address. Kate gives him the address and I lean against her shoulder. I remember this same kind of drive home years ago with my dad after being released from the hospital after the Nora beat down. Why am I suddenly thinking of her after all the therapy I endured to rid myself of all those nightmares of her hurting me? My face hurts about the same. Maybe that is the connection. I just hope these pain pills last long enough so I can go home and not dream of her.

My breathing hitches and I can't seem to get enough air. "Ana, are you ok?"

_I can't get the words out. _

_Tightness in my chest. _

_I am gasping. _

Kate yells at Taylor, "Pull over now, she is having a panic attack!"


	4. Chapter 4: I've Seen Better Days

**A/N: Sometimes life does get in the way of writing. So many ideas...so little time. I hope you enjoy. Please review and share.**

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_I've seen better days._

_I have seen the look of happiness on other faces._

_But my face looks cold and empty and lost._

_I want to see the better days again_

_When I look at my reflection in the mirror._

**pan-ic** _n: __**a sudden overpowering fear especially without reasonable cause.**_

I used to have a lot of panic attacks after the Nora attack. My heart raced so fast that I thought it would explode. I couldn't breathe. I would black out for a few minutes and I would finally come around and my dad would normally be talking to me. I have had a few since Kate and I have lived together. She panicked more than me the first time. She thought I was having a heart attack and called an ambulance. It was always something that triggered the attacks. Once I accidently bumped into a girl and she took her hands and shoved me away. I made it to the outside before collapsing. Normally, I am very aware that it is happening and I focus on my breathing. Today, I have no clue why I didn't feel it happening until too late. Evidently, the driver Taylor had to carry me to my room. I was completely out. I wake up in my bed and the room is dark. I suppose Kate is assured that I am going to live because she is not around. I look over to the bedside stand and there is a note from Kate.

_Steele,_

_You scared me. I had Taylor bring you in and we put you to bed. I stayed with you a few hours but you woke and told me to get into my own bed. lol I guess you are feeling better. I am heading out and hope to be back before you leave in the morning._

_-K_

The second time I am in a man's arms I am out for the count. I am so embarrassed. I just can't win today. They are going to think that I am some kind of freak. I suppose I am to an extent. I am the original virgin freak for sure. Nothing is worse than listening to my roommate have great orgasmic sex while I am in the next room. To be loved or wanted the way her boyfriends have wanted her must be a gift. I am not jealous. I don't think I am. I just don't want to go out and give my v-card up to just any man. I know it is silly but I really want my first time to be special. I don't have to wait until marriage but maybe for the right guy. I have been reading a lot of fanfiction online and it really doesn't help the fact that I have no one around after reading one of the amazing stories. My daydreams will suffice for now. I would sometimes just like to be normal without all my baggage. I want to be beautiful and wanted. I really don't want to die a virgin.

The sun is coming up and I have been in bed with my mind going full blast all night. I am exhausted. My wrist is sore and my face is still tender. I have to make plans for my life until graduation. I can't depend on the generosity of Kate to live. I get up and call Mr. Clayton and explain the situation to him about my wrist. He is so nice to me. He tells me I will still have a job when my cast is removed. I think I am just going to take the rest of the week to focus on school and try to get my shit sorted. I will focus on finding a new job on Monday. I still have two papers to write and just a ton of reading to do. I get out my paper and make my list for the week.

_**1. Get focused.**_

_**2. Write a new resume.**_

_**3. Get a job.**_

_**4. Get a life.**_

_**5. Get**__**laid.**_

Ok, that will have to do for now. I can always add to the list. Maybe I should put down _avoid the Grey brothers_. They seem to bring me bad luck but I really don't know how I can forget about Christian. He is just the most beautiful man that I have ever seen. He was out of my league and the sooner I come back down to planet earth the better. Ok. Get Focused. I go grab my backpack from the living room and put all my books on my desk. What day is this? Thursday. Ok. I don't have a class until noon. I work on my paper for a bit and I jump into the shower. I wrap my wrist with a trash bag to keep it dry. I dress and pack up my books and get ready for class. I am actually surprised that my wrist doesn't hurt more. I guess those doctors know their stuff. I walk outside. **Fuck me to tears! ** Wanda is still parked outside of Clayton's from last night. Kate's car is gone. This is not going to be my day. I walk the four blocks to the bus stop and hopefully I won't get to school too late. Something has really got to give with my luck.

Classes were actually good today. I have a girl from one of my classes drop me off at Clayton's to pick up Wanda. Luckily, Wanda starts up for me on the first try. I drive to the library where I spend the next several hours working on a paper. I pull out my checkbook and check my balance. $642.27. _Fuck_ _me._ Luckily, I have food in the house and a full tank of gas. I guess riding the bus will be my new transportation. I can actually save a lot of gas money but I lose my freedom. A girl has got to do what a girl has got to do. I wish I was Kate sometimes. I wish I had the rich parents and everything was just paid for. I probably wouldn't know how to handle being rich anyway. My dad always said if you work for something you will appreciate it much more than if it were just given to you. I have to agree wholeheartedly. My phone vibrates. It is Kate.

**_Ana Where Are You? _**

_I am at the library. I am working on some papers._

**_Guess who just stopped by to check on you?_**

_The tooth fairy?_

**_Guess again._**

_Henry Cavill. I need a Superman in my life now._

**_Nope. But he is as sexy as Henry Cavill but lots richer. Christian Grey._**

_Tell him thanks for helping me. I got it from here. _

**_Huh? WTF. Are you kidding me?_**

No. I just want to be left alone. OK? TTYL. -A-

About the time I put my phone down a young guy sits down across from me. He smiles big. "Hi. How are you? People call me Jake, but you can call me tonight?" I just stare at "Jake" and look around. Is this some kind of really bad joke? I shake my head and start reading from my text book again. "Jake" starts talking again. Obviously, he just can't take the hint. "It's a good thing that I have my library card. Why? Because I am totally checking you out!" Ok. This is a punk'd moment. I look around again and everything is just normal. I shake my head and start packing my books up. I am not going to get anything accomplished here today. I stand up. I make my intentions very clear. "Jake" smiles at me and says, "Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world!" I glare at him and grab my bags. Out of all the things that I don't need now is another pretty boy using bad pick up lines on me.

I have had my fair share of bad pick up lines over the years. I guess some people think I am going to drop my pants and do the deed with just anyone. I don't roll that way. Men coming on to me make me feel very uncomfortable. I am a shy person and I really don't like that kind of attention. I walk around the corner and look back and "Jake" has moved to another table with another lonely female. I look at him. What if he were the one? What if that chance encounter with a freak was my opportunity to have a boyfriend, to have sex and to feel like I am loved? I look at "Jake" again. I guess I could always be a nun. No harm. No foul. I couldn't even make a sex dream out of "Jake" if I wanted to.

I drive home. The apartment is quiet. There is a note on the fridge. _Gone out with Elliott. Will be back later. -K-_ Kate strikes again. Elliott Grey. I take my stuff to my room and go back to the kitchen to heat up some pizza. I won't be going out to eat anytime soon. I need to save as much as possible. I hear car doors slamming outside. I look out the window and there is Kate with Elliot and fucking Christian Grey. _Fuck._ I hurry and turn the lights off. I scribble a note on the back of her note. _Gone out with my new friend Jake. Be back late. Ana._ I grab the pizza and open beer and run into my room and dive into my closet and shut the door. I hope I don't have to stay in this fucking closet all night. I start eating my pizza and drinking my beer and I hear the front door shut and Kate walks back to my room. "She isn't here but her stuff is." Oh fuck. I forgot to hide my backpack. I hear Kate walking back down the hall and mumbling something. I hear men talking and the door shut again. Kate is laughing and Elliott is saying something. I hear her running to her room and he is obviously running after her saying, "You can't hide from me." He is laughing and I hear moaning. Oh, no. Kate's closet adjoins my closet and she obviously has her door open. I am going to be stuck in this closet listening to the sounds of Kate fucking Elliott. I don't think so. I kill my brew and a loud belch comes out of nowhere. Oops. The sound stops.

I hear Kate say something to Elliott and I hear footsteps in the hallway. My door opens and I don't breathe. "Nothing in here," Elliott says. I hear my door shut and I hear the alternating voices of Kate and Elliott as they make their way around the apartment. Finally, they go back to her bedroom. "It must be my imagination Elliott. You are just so brave and strong to check out my apartment for me. I feel so safe in your arms Elliott." I can't believe Kate is pouring it on this thick. I put the beer bottle into my clothes bin and throw the pizza crust in with it. I hear Kate moaning and I know it is now or never. I slowly open the closet door and take my phone out of my backpack. I tiptoe over to the window and slide it up. I slide up the screen. It is ground floor but this is still high up. I grab the window sill and put one leg out and then the next. It's now or never. I hear Kate's door open. I jump.

You watch the movies and see people jump into the bushes all the time. They get up and walk away. Well, not this girl. I jump and hit the top of the bushes and fall back and hit my head against the brick wall and fall straight behind the bushes onto my back. I have lost my breath. I am holding my ribs because I am hurting so bad. I hear Kate's voice. "Elliott! Somebody was in here. The window is open." I hear Elliott tell Kate to get back into her room while he puts his clothes on. Oh, shit. He is coming outside. I roll over and push myself up. I run to Wanda but the damn car is locked. Elliott will be out any second. I take off running down the street still trying to catch my breath. Finally, I make it to the corner and look back and there is Elliott standing under the window with my fucking cell phone. _What the fuck! _ My head is busting, I look like a train wreck and holy fucking hell...the back of my head is bleeding. I walk down the street to the little deli I go to all the time so I can use their restroom. They are closed. I decide to just walk over to the park because they have a public bathroom and I can clean myself up before walking back. It's getting dark so I really need to hurry.

I love this park during the day but at night it is a little creepy. I rush into the bathroom and grab a paper towel and wet it. I clean my face which has mud on it and my hands. I press another clean papertowel to the backside of my head. It is so sore. I look like a victim of domestic violence. I have a black eye. I have a broken wrist. I have tangled hair and a busted head. My clothes are dirty and I have scrapes all over my hands and arms. I think I just want to go home and end this _"date"_ with "Jake". I head out and start walking home. It is only five blocks from our apartment. Very nice and safe in the day but very scary at night. I start walking fast. I hear voices behind me...laughing and carrying on. I keep my head down and walk faster. My heart is beating so fast I know it is going to explode. The voices are getting closer. _Are they following me?_ I lived in fear for a long time after Nora attacked me thinking she was going to get out and finish the job. My breathing is getting heavier and I am gasping for my breaths at this point. I am practically running and I hear the voices still behind me. I know they are following me now. I see my apartment building just up the street. I cut through the parking lot and I don't dare look back. I see the bushes that I was laying in not thirty minutes ago and I know I am almost safe. I sprint for the front door and I feel a hand on my shoulder. I freeze. I have no air left. I can't breath. They caught up to me. She got me. My adrenaline gives out and I drop. Once again darkness is my friend.


End file.
